lovestatue

Single in the City is a reoccurring column on Philly Happening that will appear on Wednesdays. It chronicles a single thirty-something, new to the Philadelphia, searching for friendship, love, and her place in this vibrant city.

Finding My Place in This Single-in-the-City-Life

It all started fourteen months ago when I moved to Philadelphia.

I had a wide circle of friends that already lived here. Perfect for having an already-established social life, right?

Welllll, not exactly.

Moving to Philadelphia, unattached, at the beginning of my 30s, was a chance for me to start a new life, experience a city for the first time, and embark on new adventures.

My friends; however, were at a different life stage. While also at the beginning of their 30s, they were attached, had lived in the city for years now, and had settled into comfortable life routines.

It appeared that my friends were at the tail-end of their days spent gallivanting around the city, nights spent “painting the town red,” (whatever that actually means), and weekends that were full of free time and spontaneity.

Here I was, ready to go out to happy hour, discover new places, pack my weekends full of exploration and excitement, and instead, my friends had to rush home after work to install crown molding in their new homes, decorate nurseries, or fulfill family obligations with their husbands, children, or in-laws.

I understood their situations and responsibilities. I had no hard feelings, but it did put me in bit of a bind when it came to having people readily-available to do things with. I was disappointed at first, and admittedly a little lonely, but I came to some important conclusions.

Even though it would be ideal to do things with old friends, people’s lives change, and mine had to adapt, too. If my friends weren’t available for happy hour, why couldn’t I go out for happy hour by myself and meet new friends? If my friends weren’t available to explore the city, why couldn’t I do that myself and still have a great time?

Now I’ve done plenty of things by myself in the city:  I’ve perused exhibits at the Philadelphia Museum of Art, tried new brunch spots, joined new clubs, attended a wedding reception, and often sit quietly with a cup of steaming coffee in Rittenhouse Square on balmy Sunday afternoons.

One advantage of doing things alone is that you’re pushed out of your zone and you talk to people that you might not have otherwise.  Second, you can do whatever you want, whenever you want, however you want. The third benefit is that you get some “me time,” to reflect, relax, and de-stress. There’s a lot to be said for all those things.

In writing this column, it has occurred to me that I have accomplished everything I set out to do when I moved here: I started a new life, I experienced the city for the first time, and I embarked on new adventures. I had originally imagined doing those things consistently with more people that I knew, but maybe the best part is that a lot of the time, I didn’t.

By not having other people to depend on, I was forced to be more independent and outgoing, and I learned a lot about myself. Life wasn’t always what I expected, but I’m better for it. I’ve had the best year of my life.

I’m lucky to have the opportunity to have the freedom to do what I want, be in situations where I’m constantly growing as a person and meeting new people, and yet, I still have a wonderful support system of old friends, when I need them.

In 2016, I am ready to fully embrace my singledom and experience all this beautiful city has to offer. In each column, I will provide insights for other singles on places to go, things to do, and yes, even the best places and opportunities to potentially meet your next suitor or best friend. I’ll also share anything new and interesting that I learn along the way as I navigate my way through this single- in –the- city- life.

There’s a quote that goes, “The flower doesn’t dream of the bee. It blossoms and the bee comes.”

So, let’s get blossoming, and, er, “paint the town red,” or whatever. You never know what awaits you in Philadelphia!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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