Single in the City is a reoccurring column on Philly Happening that will appear on Wednesdays. It chronicles a single thirty-something, new to the Philadelphia, searching for friendship, love, and her place in this vibrant city.
Blossom, Leap, and Leave Your Pantyhose Out to Dry
It’s been almost one year since Single in the City made its debut. In the inaugural column, I pledged that in 2016, I would be “ready to fully embrace my singledom and experience all this beautiful city has to offer.” As we get ready to say goodbye to 2016, I can say with pride that I did just that.
It’s a great feeling to set out to do something and be able to say that you accomplished it. This hasn’t always been the case for me, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. What changed my attitude was a quote that appeared in the first Single in the City column: “The flower doesn’t dream of the bee. It blossoms and the bee comes.”
What this quote meant to me is that I had to first better myself in order to manifest what I wanted. This quote also meant going out of my comfort zone and changing my mindset and actions to achieve different results. It worked for me. Almost immediately, actually. I credit the moment that I made the choice to try something new with a lighthearted attitude as the moment that I blossomed. The next day, I started talking to the love of my life. (Shameless plug for OKCupid. Give it a try!)
While my quick match online may seem too good to be true, I should note that I waited thirty-something years to find the person who makes my life better every day, so some might say that I was due for a break!
Experiencing a wonderful and healthy love aligned perfectly with me starting this column in January, as it helped me to gain new perspective and clarity on my past. While I don’t claim to be an expert, I have had more than a decade of relationships that have given me heartache, but also filled me with strength, wisdom, and hope. I never thought that what I went through could give me a voice to help others, but I’m so grateful that it has.
Since starting this column, I’ve had many interesting conversations with single people about well, being single. I’ve made a few observations.
1: It’s easy to lose hope. I understand. I remember those dark days of asking myself what was wrong with me or what was wrong with everyone that I was meeting. The moment I started asking, “why not me?,” and believing in how good of a catch I was, things changed. And as far as there not being good people to met out there, rest assured that they do exist. Don’t get discouraged if you happen to meet a string of people that you aren’t compatible with. All that means is that your luck hasn’t turned around yet, but it will. Focus on what you need to do to blossom— not necessarily to find your bee, but just for the sake of blossoming and being your best. Your best will attract the best.
2: Sometimes people are afraid to put themselves out there. I get it. I put off trying online dating for as long as possible. What I learned was that you have to try a number of new things at least once. Don’t be afraid to go out with new circles of friends to expand your network, don’t be afraid to join new clubs or try a new gym, don’t be afraid to go to happy hour by yourself, don’t be afraid to take a chance. There’s a wonderful quote that goes: “Leap and the net shall appear.” Life, and especially love, is uncertain and sometimes scary, but if you’re willing to put yourself out there, you will be rewarded.
3: Sometimes people are sad or down on their luck for being single. I can relate to this, too. But consider this: how nice is it when you can do whatever you want, whenever you want and the world is yours for the taking? Don’t forget that with each stage of life, there are pros and cons. You will capitalize on life best when you are appreciative of the good and embrace the negative as opportunity, not deficit.
I remember many years ago that this newly-married lady in my writer’s group said, “I miss the days when I could hang my pantyhose out to dry on the shower rod and no one would complain about it!”
Whether you wear pantyhose or not, you get the idea. Sometimes life brings you these moments of freedom when you can be and do anything. Being single can offer you the opportunity to focus on yourself and grow as a person. That’s invaluable.
In 2017 I encourage you to blossom, leap, and leave your pantyhose out to dry whenever and wherever you want. Embrace your life and the new year with all your might and beautiful things will await you.