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Single in the City is a reoccurring column on Philly Happening that will appear on Wednesdays. It chronicles a single thirty-something, new to the Philadelphia, searching for friendship, love, and her place in this vibrant city.

Nothing to Lose and Everything to Gain

            Valentine’s Day isn’t one of those holidays that comes and goes with little fanfare. From TV commercials, to social media ads, to signs in restaurant windows, it’s hard to ignore that this day is coming.  Over the next two weeks, the constant reminders may cause some inevitable reminiscing about Valentine’s Days of the past.

My first clear memory of Valentine’s Day is from third grade. The year was 1993 and Bill Clinton had just become president. These were the days when everyone in the class would exchange candy and those little Valentine cards with the cheesy sayings on them.

I remember fanning all my Disney Valentines out on the couch and painstakingly selecting just the right one to give to the boy that I liked. It had Goofy on it, and whatever words were coming out of Goofy’s thought bubble, I was sure would send this boy the hint about my undying love.

As far as I know, this subliminal message went unnoticed, and for the record, that wouldn’t be the last time that one of my “subliminal hints” flew under a boy’s radar.

Fast forward a few years, and my next clear memory of Valentine’s Day, is my sophomore year of high school. The year was 2000 and Y2K had just passed without any serious repercussions.

I remember that all my friends were getting chocolate hearts, flowers in their lockers, and cards from their boyfriends or admirers.  I didn’t get anything, which was okay, since I hadn’t expected to, but it did make me feel a little left out. This left me wondering what the “secret” to all these candy, flower, and card-yielding relationships was.

Four years later, I received a bouquet of flowers, and roses, but interestingly enough, I didn’t choose either of those suitors, and instead chose the one guy who hadn’t brought me anything.

Looking back, maybe this was an inauspicious start to the relationship, but I also liked that my making a move wasn’t dependent on receiving anything. I took matters into my own hands, and no, I did not give him a Disney Valentine. But close–I slipped him a business card with a pick-up line scrawled on the back. Sort of a grown-up version of the third grade Valentine, but this time, my message didn’t go unnoticed!

More than a decade later, many Valentine’s Days, and valentines, have come and gone. Sometimes I still catch myself wondering what the “secret” to a relationship is, but if I’m honest with myself, I know that the secret is that there isn’t any secret.

When a relationship with someone is right, it just happens. It’s not forced, it’s not formulaic. You shouldn’t have to think that hard or sit around analyzing what they said, or didn’t say, or worry about how they feel about you. When something is right, it’s just a natural progression of awesome.

This isn’t to say that you don’t need to give any effort and that there’s not still work involved, but it’s work that you don’t mind putting in.

But until that day comes, I’m going to enjoy today.

This Valentine’s Day, I’m not going to worry about the past, or think of the future, I’m just going to appreciate who I am right now: a single in the city with nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Everything I’ve ever been through has brought me to this moment and there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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